Wednesday, 13 August 2014

A Visit to My Brain

The past few days have been an interesting mental game.  In no particular order, my brain has been going over these things:

1. I want to quit my job and ride all the ponies and watch all the lessons.
2. I want to quit my responsibilities and ride all the ponies and watch all the lessons.
3. I want to quit my life because it doesn't currently have enough ponies.
And repeat.


I've had a lot of internal turmoil over these past few months, and while the root cause is realistically something unrelated (and has nothing to do with anyone but myself) the fact of the matter is that I am never happier than when I'm at the barn or at a horse show.  This is something that continues to become ever clearer, and has led to a mental loop that goes...

- I like ponies SO MUCH.
- What can I do to make ponies my lyfe?
- I really don't want to be a groom.
- I like riding ponies.
- I suck too much at riding to be a professional rider.
- I should become a much better rider AND THEN become a professional!
- I only have one horse, jesus this is going to be a long road.
- I should find more horses to ride.
- HOW DO I DO THIS.
- I should talk to Trainer.
- WHAT IF TRAINER THINKS I AM TOO TERRIBLE TO RIDE ANYTHING.
- I should really grow some balls.
(spoiler alert: I haven't grown balls yet.)
- Shit now Trainer left for a month AND I STILL HAVEN'T TALKED TO HIM ABOUT RIDING MORE PONIES OR FLORIDA OR LITERALLY ANYTHING AND I AM GOING NOWHERE IN LIFE.
- Weeping.

And so the cycle perpetuates and becomes more and more painful as time goes on.


I think I might have broken in half about it on Monday, and when chatting with a horsey friend, I spat it all out.  Which is new and interesting since I've not exactly released this free flying mental loop into the wild before now, but she's a non-judgey type and it was all I could think about and, well, out it came.

Me: <weepily> Ihatemylifewannarideponiescan'tdoitanymore <gulping sob> TrainerthinksIsuckatridingIsuckatridingnevergonnagetanywhere.
Friend: Um.... what?
Me: <explains self>
Friend: I know <so and so> at <insert well known farm name here> who's looking for a rider. So. Let me make a phone call.
Friend: Also I have five horses that I want ridden so have at it.

So that kind of perked me up.  Waiting to hear on that but I suppose it just goes to show, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Even if this doesn't pan out (and I don't think it will, but I guess you never know) it seems like a decent start, a spark that might actually set the flame alight.

Deep breath.

I went out Tuesday after giving Riley (and myself!) a couple of days off.  My neck is WAY better now thanks to three chiropractic visits and a very skilled massage therapist.  Riley was very very good and we basically just worked on stretching and forward and quietness and transitions within the gaits.  He was super attentive and felt loose and oozy after a long stretching warmup. Occasionally I forget he is a horse that, while he can survive and thrive on a quick warmup, really feels at his most shining if he has about 20 minutes to do a lot of stretchy, forward walking and trotting, some leg yielding and haunches/shoulder ins, and some time to just canter around like a hunter before we start doing any real work.

Cute-face in the wash rack, just before the storm blew in.

13 comments:

  1. That first pony gif is adorabubble as is Riley in the final photo. Good for you taking the jump and talking to your friend, if nothing comes of your friends friend who is looking for a rider, you still have 5 more horses to ride which will exponentially increase your pony time and as such happiness levels ☺
    PS: congrats to trainer on making the WEG team - woohoo

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    1. Is so exciting!!!! He is the nicest and most hard working guy and deserves the WEG opportunity so much. :D

      Isn't that pony gif just so cute?! I practically squee every time I see it. Five ponies extra is AMAZING, and I get to go hang out with her and them tomorrow! So so excited. Thanks as ever for your awesome support, you're such a sweetheart <3

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  2. I think a lot of us share that mental loop :) Good luck, and have fun with your new rides!

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    1. Haha very true! Such is the peril of being a horse person. Thank you and welcome to my blog! :)

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  3. The mental loop is real! Riley is a cutie pie. :)

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    1. The struggle is definitely real! Only horse people get it. My BF always looks at me like I'm a little nuts. :) Thank you, he thinks so too! It gets him out of all sorts of trouble. ;) Thanks for stopping by!!

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  4. I constantly ask myself WHY I couldn't be born an heiress so I could just ride ponies all day long. WHY?!

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    1. I know right?!?! I'm always like, hey self, let's go back in time and be born to Bill Gates or something. #ponies all day. Other possibility: winning the lottery....

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  5. Good for you for going after this! :) Can't wait to hear about the new rides!

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    1. Thank you!! :) I'm really excited about them! Thank you for stopping by :)

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  6. I too need and want more ponies.

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    1. More ponies = more happiness.... riiiiight?

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